I'm a little hesitant to post again about the coon. I'm getting typecast as a roadkill eater. I arrive home each day, reluctant to see whether a friend has left me something on the porch...and today I walked into work and was immediately confronted by a coworker asking me if I had experience butchering ducks.
It gets better.
Someone in front of her hit a group of mallards on her commute to work. Two died on impact and there was "nothing to salvage." (Damn.)
One survived, but he was wounded. She brought him to me. At work.
The sad (for my reputation) thing is...I have 3 knives in my office, all of which would do in the duck just fine. I haven't killed a bird before, but I think I could figure it out if the poor guy was suffering. Youtube works wonders. And I have said reputation to uphold...
There's a reason for having each of those knives, but just to give you all lots of material to laugh at me for, I won't tell the three stories. I have a small collection of knives and a bb gun...all given to me by guys...some for valentines day. Nothing says "I love you" like...a Red Ryder?!
Note to future boyfriends: I LIKE FLOWERS AND DIAMONDS. Like many ladies, I love shiny things (that don't involve hooks and a pole!) Maybe a gift certificate to a spa?!
That said, I've used all the knives and the gun and am very grateful...
I digress...when we got out to her van, Mr. Mallard had had a miraculous recovery. So we made him a little oatmeal and set him up with a tupperware full of water. Good luck duck. You couldn't have picked a better week to recover...for a duck.
Back to the coon—I'm glad I've brought some laughter into your lives...and your coworkers'...and their friends. I've had a good laugh myself.
I'll have you know that four people in my life thought this whole thing was relatively normal. Probably a testament to my very large and varied friend group more than my being close to normal. Two friends had advice on cooking, three knew about tanning. One has a book he is going to lend me...he thinks it has a chapter on coon! Friends are better than Google.
So, without further ado...how to eat a coon. Allie-style. Very little research/expertise went into this. All survived. Except the coon.
1. Kill, cut, and brine in water, salt, and baking soda. Preferably at 2am.
2. Let soak for 24 hours and then transfer into marinade (I chose teriyaki)...and went more than 24 hours to get off the 2am schedule.
3. Let marinate for a day.
4. Enjoy...or at least try it after all that work.
a. Pan fried in olive oil: not too tough at all and VERY flavorful. This ended up being my favorite.
b. Make coon stew. Beef stew...without the beef. I used a crock pot for 6 hours. I heard it was a very tough meat. 6 hours was more than enough...it fell apart nicely.
Ruwan suggested I get scientific on this brining of red meat. I brined some cubed beef, marinated it, and put it in the stew too. The beef had almost no flavor after so much cooking. Maybe some flavor blanched out in the brine? The raccoon tasted a bit gamey and I detected a lot of iron. It's a very red meat. Colin and Erika were the brave souls who tried it too. They weren’t huge fans, but blamed the brussel sprouts in the stew, not the coon.
c. Jerky. Sprinkle some salt on top and bake on low heat (~250) for a few hours (~4). Turn over when needed so both sides are equally leathery. Following making this, I looked up how to make jerky (it’s been a busy two weeks…I didn’t do my research beforehand.) If you want to make jerky, follow my instructions. But before marinating the meat, put it in the freezer till it’s hard, but not frozen and then cut it into pieces. I think this is just so you get a clean cut rather than a hack job…doesn’t change the flavor. But I could be wrong.
I got a straight cut on mine because Ruth has NO sharp knives. She is actually known for the dullness of her knives. (My knives are in my storage unit with my other worldly possessions.) So I used the kitchen scissors to cut the meat. Find a way or make one.
Sonny tried the jerky with me. It’s pretty good. Tastes like meat.
This was also a good study in human behavior. Few people wanted to try the stew or pan fried, but many said they want to try jerky. Are we used to thinking of jerky as exotic and well preserved? Does this make even homemade jerky more palatable? I felt safer eating the stew, but I didn’t tell Sonny that.
Lessons learned:
-
If you see a coon, run it over then put it in a large tupperware. It will be well worth it for your friends.
- Definitely worth skinning, but get the right tools.
- If you’ve skinned it, you might as well eat it too. Make most of it into jerky so that your friends will help you eat the beast.
It just occurred to me that I have eaten almost an entire raccoon in a week…gross! - Damiani Wine Cellar's Meritage pairs well with coon...
As a final note, I have used every bit of the raccoon. I buried the guts and carcass in a very shallow grave at the edge of the lawn.
How is this a use? I think if it as a murderous monster monitor. If any large animals live in the nearby woods, I think they will dig up and feast on the coon before proceeding to Nash and I in the barn. So far, no activity. This helps me sleep at night.
Someone remind me to dig it up next fall. A winter jigsaw puzzle? I have a friend with expertise in these things...check out his mouse!
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